Сатира: Нофизийдан нома

“ЛИДЕР”НИНГ БАШАРАСИ

ЮЗТАГА ЮЗТА

2009 йилнинг 3 сентябрида Абдураҳим Пўлатуф “Баракатсиз Ҳаракат” деган мазохист сайтида шундай деб ёзади׃
“Ҳақиқатда, 1992 йил июнь ойи охирида менга қарши суиқасд уюштирилгандан кейин, адвокат сафдошимиз Миролим Одилнинг таклифи билан, менга бирон нарса бўлса, оилам кўчада қолмасин деб, хотинимнинг номига бир квартира олганмиз”.
-Қанчага олган эдингиз?
-Юзтага юзта…
-Тушунмадим..
-Юзта хабарга юзта-да!

“МУХОЛИФАТЧИ”
– Сиз 1992 йилда уй олгандим деяпсиз. Буни нега шу пайтгача яшириб келдингиз?
-20 йилдан кейин бўлса ҳам барибир айтдим-ку?
-Ҳукумат бунга қандай қилиб йўл берганди? Ўша йили ҳукумат Шукрулло Мирсаидов, Жаҳонгир Муҳаммад ва бошқаларнинг оиласини қувғин қилиб, уйини тортиб олганди-ку!
-Улар ҳукуматнинг одами эдилар, мен эса мухолифатчи!

ПУЛ
-Сизни “20 йилдан бери мухолифатнинг пулини – грантларни туя қилиб еб юрибди” дейишади. Бугунгача еб юборганингиз икки миллион доллардан ошиб кетибди, шунга нима дейсиз?
-Биринчидан, пулдан туя қилиш мумкин эмас! Иккинчидан, пулни еб бўлмайди. Бу шоир ва ёзувчилар- хоинлар шуни ҳам билишмайди. Пул харажат қилинади!

ПОЛИТТЕХНОЛОГИЯ
-Сиз Истанбулда яшаганингизда “Миллий газета”да “Ўзбекистонда ислом давлати қурмоқчиман” деган мақола чиқариб, Эрбақан ҳукуматидан беш хонали уй олган экансиз!
-Ўшанда ҳам диндорларни лақиллатганман, бугун ҳам.. Бу менинг политтехнологиям бўлади.

ҲАСИП
-Сиз мухолифатдаги ҳамма таниқли шахсларни хоин, сотқин, хунаса деб ҳақоратлаб чиқдингиз. Лекин укангиз ҳақида нега гапирмайсиз?
-У хунаса ҳам мени танқид қилса, ҳақини олади. Ичагини узиб қўлига бераман! Хато айтдим. Кўрдингизми, мен хатоимни тан олaман. Унинг ҳам ичагини узиб оламан дейишим керак эди.
-Нега?
-Ҳасипга яраб қолади-да!

ҲОЖАТ
-Эшитдингизми, бугун Оқ пошшо билан бизнинг пошшо учрашбди.
-Эшитишимга ҳожат йўқ! Мен ўзим улар учрашади деб айтган эдим.
-Қаёқдан билган эдингиз?
-Билиш деганингиз нимаси? Мен ўзим уларга тезда учрашларинг деб айтган эдим!
-Улар сизни билишадими ўзи?
-Бу муҳим эмас. Мен уларни билсам, бас!

ЭС
-Собиқ сафдошларингиз ёзишларича сиз Шуҳрат Исматуллаевга қўл кўтарган экансизми? Ёки у сизни дўппослаган эканми?
-Эсимда йўқ!
-Қандай қилиб эсингизда бўлмайди?
-Ўзи эсим борми йўқми, эсимда йўқ-ку, бу қандай қилиб эсимда бўлсин!

ШОГИРД
-Яна бир савол…
-Тўхтанг, тўхтанг, қанча саволингиз бор ўзи?
-Юзтача бор!
-Сиз ҳам хоин экансиз!
-Ие, нега ундай дейсиз?
-Юзта деган сўз фақaт менга оид. Уни ишлатган ҳар қандай одамни хоин деб эълон қиламан.
-Кеча шу сўзни Каримов ҳам ишлатганди.
-У кишига мумкин, чунки керак бўлса юзта одамни тинчитаман деб у киши биринчи айтган эдилар. Мен шогирдман. Устознинг бетига оёқ қўймайман!

Қалай ёқдими? Ёққан бўлса, давомин кутинг!

Нофизий.

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